I Feel Blue-ue-ue, Blue-ue-ue, Blue-ue-ue-uue
Today I took the girls and Moses to my sister-in-law's house to go swimming. She has her own pool so it is really nice and we had a blast, but as I drove home I was near tears. You see my pride and 'I wants' got the best of me.
On my husbands side of the family they all have nice, very large, newer homes. They drive nice new cars and have all kinds of cool gadgets. Basically they have all kinds of cool junk. Now, normally that doesn't bother me, and I am quite happy and thankful for all of the cool junk I do have. What did bother me today was the way I think they perceive us. I was feeling like they were looking at us like we were pathetic, poor and felt sorry for us. I felt like we totally didn't fit in. We have chosen to have many children and that means that we don't have as many fancy things. We have our wonderful blessing children. But knowing that most people don't value it and knowing that certain people in our family do refer to people as "trash", which honestly makes me sick, I couldn't help feeling like that is how they see us. I wanted to cry because I don't want people to see us that way. I want them to see God in us and not how pathetic we are.
So on top of feeling sorry for myself I explained to the Lord how tired I was of being poor. Of not being able to do whatever we want, have nice cars and a house that would actually fit us comfortably without us being cramped and having NO storage.
God is so gracious that He heard my heart and He loved me anyway. Then He used Veggie Tales to remind me of what He wants and values, and it isn't a new SUV or 3 story house with a pool and HUGE yard. He values a thankful heart. As I sang the Madame Blueberry song He brought to mind all that we have and reminded me of how thankful I am. I asked His forgiveness, but was still feeling in a 'mood' when I got home with the children. So, I took a 'depressed I can't go on, I feel sorry for myself' nap. My husband being the wise man that his is didn't say a word. When I go up I was ready to share my heart with my husband, how I felt inadequate and worthless. He really is my best friend, and he said all the right words and boosted me up. He is a wonderful man!
Now, I am feeling really truly thankful, and it really does make a happy heart!
posted by Dee @ 7:25 PM
3 Comments:
Hang in there... I used to have lots of days like that. It is funny that now that I have a big house I feel embarrassed and feel like I am hurting my dear, sweet siters in the Lord who don't have as much when they see my house. I remember how I used to feel when I would leave such a home and never thought how the homeowner might have felt. We all have our plusses and minuses and lots of opportunities to question where God wants us to be at this particular season. But Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart... delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Just remember that the more you trust in Him whole-heartedly and delight yourself ONLY in Him... the desires of your heart will change and your contentment will grow with or without all of the great stuff from "STUFFMART"!!!
You already have a most wonderful asset that so many women our age do NOT have... Godly Perspective and an Encouraging Spirit. I look forward to reading your blog everyday because YOU are a truely GODLY Woman and an example of what I know God wants from all of us!!!
Thank-you for being a blessing in my life!
Thank you! That was so encouraging! I printed it and put it in my household notebook. I should remember that others are uncomfortable also and try to make them feel at ease. Thanks for reminding me.
Thank you for sharing this Dee. I struggle with this too at times - especially how I DON'T want others to view me part. So, thanks for sharing your heart so I know I'm not alone and reminding me what God truly wants!
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